


Feeling Down? Just Call R.

by VulcansinSpace



Category: Les Misérables (2012)
Genre: M/M, Romantic Comedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-01
Updated: 2015-07-01
Packaged: 2018-04-07 04:43:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,814
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4249725
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VulcansinSpace/pseuds/VulcansinSpace
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Enjolras has been having a terrible day, hell a terrible week! But when he notices a flyer asking if he was feeling down Enjolras takes a chance and calls the number only to be answered by the biggest asshole Enjolras has ever had the pleasure of talking too. </p><p>Feeling Down? Feeling like the world is out to get you? Well just call R.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Feeling Down? Just Call R.

**Author's Note:**

> This is very very loosely based off of this Canadian book called Dirk Danger, I just liked the quirkiness of the book and I wanted to replicated it. Written as a birthday gift to a good friend of mine :)
> 
> Warnings!!:  
> Enjolras brings up rape crime statistics (I don't go into anything I just say that it's 1 in 5 i just want to mention it cause I really don't want to offend or hurt anyone for not mentioning it as a warning at all). Also Grantaire can be a little rude here or there but it's all meant in good fun and general asshole-ishness. 
> 
> Please Enjoy!

Enjolras has had the worst day he has ever had in his entire life. He lost his mock trial he had been working incredibly hard on for the past few weeks; his roommate Coufeyrac moved out to live with his boyfriend Combeferre; his own boyfriend broke up with him because he apparently is too ambitious and works to hard; and last but not least, he was fired from his job at the Musain because he kept giving away too many free coffees to his friends.  


This is just the worst possible day in the entire world and Enjolras doesn’t know who to turn to at this point for help because he’s fucking screwed.  


That’s when he sees a sign, or more a flyer stapled to telephone pole, that read _Feeling Down? Feel like the world is just out to get you? Just call R._  


Enjolras stands there and stares at the flyer for a couple of seconds before pulling out his phone and dialling the number.  


The phone rings twice before someone answers.  


“Hello, this is Greg the best booty call in town. How may I get you hot and bothered?”  


“H-Hello?” Enjolras stutters “Sorry, I must have called the wrong number, I was looking at this flyer on the street and-“  


“You’re annoying.” The voice on the other end blurts out.  


“Excuse me?”  


“That’s right I called you annoying. What are you going to do about it?”  


“What is your problem I just called this number and-“  


“Your down and feeling like the world is out to get you?”  


“Well not out to get me but that has been a fairly terrible day, yes. But that’s not excuse to call a stranger annoying, you don’t even know me.”  


“Well I think your annoying, and I don’t like your tone.”  


“Fuck you, I am a human being and you have no right to treat me like this. You don’t know my life; you don’t know what I have just gone through today.”  


“And what? You expect me to sit here and listen to you blather on about your problems that you couldn’t be bothered to fix yourself?”  


“Fuck you, I sure as hell can fix my own problems,”  


“Good.” And the call ended.  


What just happened? Enjolras was fairly riled up now, how dare this guy, this-this Greg, hang up on me!  


So Enjolras redials the number.  


“Hello, this is Leo’s Lube Service, just finger the right buttons and we will make you moan.”  


“Did you buy an 800 number just so you could be a jackass to people who are feeling down?”  


The voice on the other end was silent and for once Enjolras felt like he won against this guy.  


“Maybe.” The voice murmured “I’m honestly helping people though.”  


“How are you helping people? Helping them by pissing them off and treating them like shit?”  


“Well I helped you didn’t I?”  


“You didn’t help me.”  


“Well you’re not sad anymore are you?”  


“Well, no, but you didn’t solve my problems.”  


“Does it say on my flyer that I solve problems?”  


And this time it leaves Enjolras stumped for a response before he lets out a pathetic fuck you, which makes the voice on the other end chuckle. He also refuses to give into the thought of how dark and seductive the chuckle actually was, this guy is an asshole and the thought is repulsive. Yes very repulsive, that’s right Enjolras control yourself, you fight for liberty and freedom of the French peoples not cock.  


“Hey, here’s something I can do though.” The voice says and he can almost hear the smile on the other end “How about I get you a coffee? You’re calling me during the middle of the day so you probably can’t be that busy right now.”  


“I have a life thank you very much.”  


“Is that a no?”  


“No.”  


“Then good, I only put the ‘feeling down?’ flyers up near the south end of town, do you know where the Musain is?”  


“I was just fired from there so let’s not go there.”  


The voice chuckled again before telling him the directions to another café near the area and before Enjolras knew it he was on a date with a stranger.  


***  


Enjolras is 90% sure he just got stood up by a perverted stranger using a 1-800 number. But somehow he feels faintly dejected, because he was kind of looking forward to actually arguing with someone.  


Most people tend to back down when he gets himself going, but it was fairly refreshing having someone to actually compete with.  


He wouldn’t say that he would actually date this guy, because who knows this guy might be really old and is more than just a pervert. But the idea itself was fairly tantalizing, he felt meeting the voice on the other end might actually maybe change something in his life.  


But he thought wrong apparently, so Enjolras drains the rest of his coffee and just as he is about to throw on his jacket he hears the voice that he didn’t expect he’ll ever hear again.  


“Oh wow, you’re hot shit,” The voice exclaims as Enjolras turns around to face him properly “You are like Apollo himself, you were holding back on me. Was it because of Leo’s Fingering? Feuilly said it may have been a bit too much but I went for it anyway.”  


Enjolras at this point honestly didn’t know what to say, for one it’s because the man he was talking to looked horribly nervous, and not as sharp-tongued and confident as he was on the phone. He could tell just by simply looking at the guy, as he isn’t even looking Enjolras in the eye. Not to mention fiddling with the sleeves of his sweater which he doesn’t find horribly endearing.  


Two, he was exceptionally more good looking then he expected, and he’s not going to lie he’s fairly relieved. Enjolras is always willing to except anyone for who they are, but the more human side him is faintly relieved that it wasn’t an old man who was planning to con him into having kinky sex.  


Kinky sex with this guy doesn’t so too bad though.  


“Enjolras,” he holds out his hand in greeting “I’m Enjolras I mean.”  


“Grantaire,” he replied and shook his hand with a fairly loose grip “But you can call me R if you want.”  


“So, R,” Enjolras toys with the nickname “Do you always go for coffee with strangers you insult and humiliate on the phone?”  


“Why did I humiliate you?”  


“Not really, insulted more so.”  


“Then no I don’t,” Grantaire replies wryly before standing up and asking what kind of coffee he would like before leaving to buy them some.  


Before he knows it Grantaire is back with coffees for the two of them.  


“Sorry for keeping you waiting, just now and before,” Grantaire says as he sets down the coffee “I don’t live near here so it took me a bit to get here. Also I was covered in paint, and I sure as hell couldn’t have shown up like that now could I?”  


“It would have fit with the aesthetic though,” Enjolras says and smiles behind his coffee “The rude artist type that has nothing better to do than shit on other people.”  


Grantaire laughs awkwardly, rubbing his hand behind his neck. For a second, Enjolras felt a little guilty.  


“I deserved that I think,” Grantaire says and scratches his scalp in a terrible attempt to get his unruly curls out of his face “I honestly do have a life, the phone thing is just a hobby. I use it to help people more or less, it depends on how you want to see it.”  


“I don’t see it as helping.”  


“Okay,”  


The awkward silence that came after was excruciating. Grantaire was a hell of a lot more shy in real life then he was on the phone. The voice on the phone was witty and outspoken and was well, confident in themselves. The man in front of him is the polar opposite. He guessed it showed how different it to talk to someone in real life.  
“Hey!” R says pulling Enjolras out of his thoughts “are you doing anything tonight?”  


“No not really.”  


“Well I have a plan.”  


***  


And that’s how they ended up spectacularly drunk. Not even a little tipsy, but so drunk that Enjolras is feeling fairly nauseous. Grantaire on the other hand looks like he’s been barely affected at all.  


“Come on buddy,” Grantaire says helping him off the boulevard “I have a plan that’s more than just you getting arrested for disorderly conduct.”  


This plan involved Enjolras singing karaoke while very very drunk. He wasn’t sure if this was some kind of weird ploy, but surprisingly he was actually having fun.  


In the morning he’ll probably regret singing a Don’t Go Breaking My Heart with R in front a large audience of elderly women. But at the moment he was feeling pretty good and he’d almost forgot about how shitty his life currently is.  


This was also how he ended up on Grantaire’s couch with a man with incredibly long hair eating cereal watching him sleep.  


“You awake now?” he asks  


“I don’t want to be.” Enjolras answers and groans and tries to cover his eyes with his forearm because everyone in this apartment is noisy as hell.  


When he finally manages to open his eyes the man is still staring at him, munching away on his all brand flakes or whatever the fuck he was eating.  


“I’m Jehan,” he says with his mouth still full and Enjolras gags in revulsion.  


“Not on the carpet!” said another man, who had a very shiny scalp Enjolras noticed, as he comes out of nowhere with a bucket.  


“Good morning sleeping beauty,” R sing songs as he comes from the back hallway and pulls on a few of Enjolras curls as he walks by.  


“I hate you,” he snarls in reply “I feel like death.”  


“Well I feel great so clearly you need an attitude change.” R replies and then quickly hurries into the kitchen in what seems to be embarrassment.  


Enjolras groans and leans back against the couch and tries not to think about what a horrible headache he has.  


***  


R’s plan for today consisted of them going to a restaurant type thing that sold crepes all day. Enjolras didn’t even know that there was such a thing, but Grantaire replied that this was Quebec and if this is Quebec that means there are all day crepe houses and Enjolras just went along with it.  


***  


R’s plan after they had their fill of crepes was for Enjolras to watch Grantaire try to hug people in the streets.  


Enjolras reminded Grantaire that this was Quebec and that in Quebec people don’t like to get hugged in the middle of the street unless they wanted to get punched.  


Grantaire was later punched by a teenage girl and they had to go to a grocery store to buy a bag of peas so that they could calm the swelling.  


“Man, she had a really good punch.”  


“I’m not surprised; she probably thought you were a pervert or a kidnapper. Rape rates are 1 in 5 for females yeah know.”  


“That’s horribly depressing news,”  


***  


After Enjolras gave a two hour long rant about rape crimes in North America, they finally ended up in a park where they sat and quietly people watched for almost over an hour.  


***  


Enjolras has never felt this relaxed in quite a long time. He’s only been hanging around with Grantaire for the past couple weeks and he can already feel the tension in his back slowly undoing itself.  


Grantaire on the other hand was free as could be, while Enjolras could sense that there was something just a bit off about how wild he could be, but he ignored it.  


He had this odd feeling that it was best not to question what Grantaire was really like, his roommates were all a little weird too but Enjolras was okay with that. He was confortable around him and that’s what mattered. He was rarely comfortable with people and he wanted to take advantage of it.  


Combeferre and Couferyac texted him occasionally concerned about what he was doing. Enjolras hushed them and told them he was fine, he was just sorting something out; they just didn’t need to know that it was with another person.  


***  


Since he met Grantaire he hadn’t returned to his apartment, well that’s a lie he stopped by a few times to grab stuff but he was at R’s all the time. He wasn’t sure how it happened but suddenly he was so absorbed into this sporadic life and surprisingly he was enjoying it.  


But like all things, it always comes to an end.  


It starts by Grantaire simply telling him that Enjolras was and egg and it was Grantaire’s job to nurture and take care of him but now the egg has hatched it’s time for Enjolras to fly out of the nest.  


He then slams the door in Enjolras face leaving him with a feeling in his gut that was absolutely crushing.  


Enjolras returned back to his apartment, where his old dishes had started to stink and there was a thin layer of dust on everything he owned. He felt horribly alone in his tiny little apartment he used to share. He got so used to living with other people for the past few week that he could barely remember what it felt like to be alone.  


Enjolras thought about going to his classes but that gut feeling told him that there was no point.  


He wallowed for what felt like hours but was actually around 5 minutes before the hurt in his gut was consumed with fiery rage.  


What the fuck?  


What the ever loving fuck? How could R be such a jackass? Oh wait, it’s Grantaire.  


Enjolras threw his coat back and glared at anyone who looked at him on the bus as he made his way back to Grantaire’s apartment. He stood outside the apartment before he got an idea.  


He searched through his call history and dialled that 1-800 number.  


“Hello, this is George’s pimp services where we serve both men and women in all sorts of delights.”  


“Grantaire?”  


“Oh, hey Enjolras.”  


“I’m not a little bird.”  


“No, not really.”  


“I don’t need anyone to nurture me,”  


“No, I wouldn’t think so.”  


“I just wanted to let you know that you’re a dick.”  


“Oh thanks for letting me know, I will be sure to call myself that the next time I meet someone new.”  


By this time, Enjolras had already walked all four flights of stairs to Grantaire’s apartment and stood outside the door unsure of what to do next.  


“Why did you basically break up with me?”  


“Hmm,” Grantaire ponders for a second “Probably because I’m so fat that I’ll take up all the room in the nest.”  


Enjolras lets out a small laugh “Be serious.”  


This time Grantaire doesn’t say anything and it made him feel so unbearably nervous that he wanted to just break down the door and shake Grantaire until he told him what was wrong.  


“Okay I’ll be serious,” his breathe hitches and it makes Enjolras bite his lip in frustration “I think you are better than me.”  


“Better than me—?“  


“I worded that wrong, I meant that you deserve better than what I am giving you. You’re, you’re Enjolras, you’re unforgiving and ruthless, but you deserve a friend who isn’t me.”  


“What if I don’t want you to be my friend.”  


“Do you mean boyfriend? Because if you didn’t want to be my friend I don’t think you would be outside my door, now would you?”  


“Are you looking through the peephole?” Enjolras asks and stares right back through the peephole hoping to see something.  


“Maybe,”  


“Open the door.” He orders and Grantaire does, except the latch was on the door so he had to awkwardly close the door, unlatch it, then open it again.  


“Hello Apollo, what brings you here today? Feeling down?”  


“Feeling angry,” he replies and brings his hands up to hold R’s cheeks. He looks up into Grantaire eyes that are piercing into his own and wordlessly asks for permission.  


It was only a small kiss, nothing dramatic, or wet, but tiny and delicate like they were trying to determine how breakable they both were.  


Enjolras wishes it would never end.  


He brushes the curls out of Grantaire face, his fingers trailing down his cheekbones.  


“R?”  


“Yeah,”  


“What kind of delights?”  


“Delights?”  


“Yeah, what kind of delights do you serve?”  


“Ooh! Well, I specialise in quite a few. George is the real specialist in all things delightful though.”  


“That’s fine, I’m sure you’re just as delightful.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! :)


End file.
